Home thread for 죽이고 싶은 아이 👧🏻👧🏻 Korean Fiction Book Club 🇰🇷 Week 10

I’ve finally managed to order a physical version of the book! It’ll arrive Tuesday at the latest, so I’ll be starting this bookclub a couple weeks late, but at least I got it in the end.


I’ve been reading this freeflow on the ridibooks app during my train commute and it’s the perfect ease + short chapter length combo. There’s few books I feel comfortable enough to freeflow without my popup dictionary so it’s been nice :blush:

Having said that I’m still re-reading everything on migaku so i can look up all the unknowns and make flashcards :sweat_smile:

Chapter 13: 주연 is so clueless about why trying to give 서은 money and pointing out how she can’t even afford to get herself 떡볶이 makes her feel like shit instead of making her happy

Chapter 15:

i liked the way the author described 서은’s mum and how she went to the school every day, especially these two bits:
“[…] 서은의 엄마는 매일 학교를 찾았다. 더 이상 딸이 다니지 못하는 학교지만, 꽃보다 짧은 생을 끝내야 했던 곳이지만, 서은의 엄마는 하루도 거르지 않고 학교를 찾아갔다.”

“하나뿐인 딸을 잃은 엄마의 모습은 죽어 가는 식물 같았다.”


Actually, if anyone is still interested in the physical page numbers, I can post the table of contents of the physical book.

Table of contents

Chapter 1 -page 7
Chapter 2 - page 10
Chapter 3 - page 17
Chapter 4 - page 21
Chapter 5 - page 30
Chapter 6 - page 35
Chapter 7 - page 39
Chapter 8 - page 46
Chapter 9 - page 50
Chapter 10 - page 56
Chapter 11 - page 59
Chapter 12 - page 67
Chapter 13 - page 71
Chapter 14 - page 77
Chapter 15 - page 79
Chapter 16 - page 84
Chapter 17 - page 87
Chapter 18 - page 90
Chapter 19 - page 96
Chapter 20 - page 98
Chapter 21 - page 104
Chapter 22 - page 107
Chapter 23 - page 114
Chapter 24 - page 118
Chapter 25 - page 123
Chapter 26 - page 131
Chapter 27 - page 134
Chapter 28 - page 139
Chapter 29 - page 144
Chapter 30 - page 149
Chapter 31 - page 151
Chapter 32 - page 155
Chapter 33 - page 159
Chapter 34 - page 163
Chapter 35 - page 168
Chapter 36 - page 173
Chapter 37 - page 178
Chapter 38 - page 181
Chapter 39 - page 186
Chapter 40 - page 193


Thanks for these! I’ll update the table when I get on my laptop next so that anyone else who reads the physical version in the future has them. :+1:t2:


Finished with chapters 13-16 in week 4!

The plot thickens… I wonder if 주연 really did like 서은? It would explain a lot… 서은s classmate from her academy also came dropping gossip about a relationship/happening with one of her teachers. So many twists and turns each week!

I agree this is a good book for free flow extensive reading. :slightly_smiling_face: I’m still looking up stuff but if I skip a word here or there I feel like I didn’t miss anything!


Chapters 17-20 get us just over the half way mark in this book.

18 - Hi to one of my favourite konglishes 모자이크
Oh we have an answer to who is interviewing everyone, seems like the filming crew were making a documentary and it’s been broadcast before the trial (is that allowed? seems like it shouldn’t be)
19 - wait sorry, only the top 20 students can use the reading rooms? This school does not believe in improving social mobility huh
20 - well here i am feeling sorry for 주연 yet again. :sob:

Looks like in the next few chapters we’ll get to hear from some ppl we haven’t heard from yet. Also general thoughts about the end: They’ve spent so much of the book so far demonising 주연 that I think it’ll have more emotional impact if it turns out not to have been her, but things aren’t looking good for her right now.


I’m finally done with week 1. It took me an hour and a half, which, while it feels slow, is actually pretty fast considering I have the physical book and do manual lookups. (I’m actually about as fast as 이상한 과자 가게 전천당 1 | L22 , despite it being a lower level, so I think that reading on LingQ really slows me down.)

So far, I’m super hooked by the story. It’s hard, particularly the grammar, but I already feel that it’s getting slightly easier to understand now that I’ve gotten past the basic background info of what happened. The format is pretty nice, and I can’t wait to see more of this profiler character.

Questions about specific sentences

애들이 궁굼해서 박서은 SNS도 뒤져 보고 그러는 모양이더라고요.
Page 7

Here, I’m confused as to what 뒤져 보다 means here.

알고 보니까 지주연이 박서은 따 시킨 거라고 하던데요.
Page 8

I completely missed the meaning of this sentence, it’s just going right over my head.

마자이크랑 음성 변조요?
Page 18

Is this a metaphor to say that people lie? Everytime they speak they say something different, like a mosaic? Or that the global opinion/voice is actually composed of many fragmented accounts maybe?

One of the best sentences I’ve come across so far is this one: 형제 없는 연기처럼 소문은 점점 더 회색 빛깔을 하며 퍼져 갔다. (page 12). I feel like it just represents the book so well.


되지다 means to search or look for, so it’s saying the others are curious and try to look for 서은의 social media profiles (V + 보다)

There is a ton of intermediate grammar here making this a hard sentence!

I will break it down!! After you read the grammar explanations, you can try the sentence again and see if it makes more sense in context. :slightly_smiling_face:

:one: V + 보니까 means something like “when I do V, if I do V” (a common use of this that you may hear in dramas is 생각해 보니까…등등 - if I think about it, come to think of it)

알고 보니까 is a colloquial phrase that means something like “It turns out, that…” (just an aside but I’ve noticed there are many colloquial phrases with 알다! I often read or hear 아라서 + V, like 아라서 할게. So maybe watch out for 알다 and try to find out what the colloquial translation would be)

:two: 따다 = to get or win something, to take something

  • to help visualize the action, the phrase for “to pick flowers” is 꽃을 따다, so it’s grasping and taking something, but can also be applied to abstract things such as a contract or deal

V + 시키다 = turns the verb into a a causative verb, aka you are coercing someone into doing something

So, 따 시키다 = to cause to get, to order to get/take.

:three: 거라고 = we are quoting a clause because we are about to follow it with 하다 to indicate speech.

:four: 한던데 = V + 던, we are talking about a verb that was done in the past perhaps multiple times that may still be ongoing, we don’t know about the definite ending past. It’s saying something like “…was saying.”
Maybe they said it multiple times to multiple people and are still saying it - it wasn’t just a one time thing.

모자이크 is the mosaic effect they put on people’s faces on the news to hide their identity and 음성 (voice) 변조 (adjustment, change) is the voice changing effect. So, they’re asking if their identity will be disguised basically.


For some reason I was set on this being a lot more complex than that. Thanks!

It turns out that a lot of people were saying that 지주연 ordered 박서은 around. Something like that?


I am very behind but I just finished chapter 2 and I’m intrigued by the fact that Juyeon doesn’t seem to remember anything that happened the day that Seoeun died. Or maybe she does remember and she’s blocking it out/refusing to admit it? I’m not sure if I fully understood everything :sweat_smile:


You are welcome!

Yup, something like that! :+1:t2:

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I found that sentence hard as well. I came to the assumption that 따 시키다 was essentially “bully someone” (따 as in 왕따.) So in the paragraph the speaker is talking about whether other ppl knew 서은 was being bullied and she says “well it turns out…”


Oh true, I think it is 따 from 왕따! I didn’t go back to read that part but that makes sense


Chapter 5 was a bit of a game changer - I didn’t expect the middle school classmate to have that interpretation of Juyeon’s character as very domineering and controlling towards Seoeun. I love how this book keeps revealing so many different (yet still outsider) interpretations of the two girls’ relationship. It’s really keeping me guessing and making me want to read more. Also, I feel like I’m finally into the flow of the book Korean-wise, since now I’ve seen a lot of the vocabulary used before. I’m definitely missing a bit of the grammar, but I’m getting the gist as far as I can tell. It’s fun to be reading along with the audiobook, too.


I just finished chapters 18-19 and I’m a bit confused. Until chapter 18, the trial hadn’t started, right? So they were calling witnesses and giving opening arguments here? And the homeroom teacher testified, Jueon got really upset and undermined her case, and Lawyer Kim managed to argue in Jueon’s favor somehow? But the trial is still ongoing.

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yeah it was sudden right? the author just dropping us into the trial in media res :sweat_smile:

21 and 22 were the hardest for me to follow since chapter 1, not sure why just generally complex language i think? there wasn’t a lot of context clues for me to be sure i was following so i had to keep jumping back to reread.

all spoilers for 23

demon 주연 back at it again. Between making out to her dad that her mum had been hitting her and the thing with the school teacher….yikes.

I wasn’t sure here:

“그날 이후 주연의 엄마는 정신과에 다녀야 했다. 그러나 딸이 자해를 하고 엄마인 자신에게 죄를 뒤집어씌웠다는 말은 할 수 없었다.누구한테도 말해선 안 돼.”
So like…does the psychiatrist know? Or did her mum literally not tell anyone? Because if the psychiatrist doesn’t know, that seems counterproductive…

the general ~unsettling vibes building up in ch 23 and 24 were good.

This ending from chapter 23 “내가 낳은 딸이, 소중한 내 딸이 그렇게 소름 끼치는 일을 했을 리가 없다고. 어린애가 한 장난일 뿐이라고. 그래, 어려서 그런 거야. 어려서.” got me :grimacing:


I just finished chapters 5 and 6. That persective of chapter five I was really not expecting, I’m really starting to see how interesting this book is going to be, with everyone having different perspectives that can sometimes be completely opposing. I kept thinking of this song 나쁜 년, because of the language used to describe 주연.

These two chapters have weirdly been a bit easier for me than the previous ones. I don’t know if it’s because I’m starting to understand the story better, or if I’m getting more used to the type of grammar and vocab used.

A couple of interesting things that I noticed nevertheless:

  • 이래라저래라, which I’d never seen but it’s a nice way of expressing “do this, do that”
  • 가난이라는 진흙더미에서 탈출하다, which is just a really well written sentence, and it conveys so much more that it would without the mention of the 진흙더미.

I just read chapters 11-14. These chapters felt like a rollercoaster, I think that 지연 is probably innocent one second, and the next one we learn something that incriminates her. I really liked the switch in perspective, showing us past conversations between 서은 and 지연. I took me a second to realize it, and I was all confused wondering why 지연 was suddenly speaking to the lawyer in 반말. I was really not expecting the twist at the end of chapter 13, I can’t decide if it means that 지연 would be more or less likely to have killed 서은.

Through these couple chapters, I really feel like the author was trying to get me to learn the verb 퍼트리다. I noticed it least twice, as 소문을 퍼트리다 and 루머를 퍼트리다. Through Naver, I learned that it can also be used to refer to the spread of a disease, as 병을 퍼트리다.

One sentence that I got stuck on, chapter 13 page 73: 서은이는 235밀리를 신었지만 조금 작게 나온 운동화는 240밀리도 발에 꼭 맞았다. What’s 밀리? Is it milimiters? The only way I can make sense of this is if this was talking about high heels, but it seems wrong.


oh i looked this up too! it is millimeters, it’s the unit of measurement for shoe size in korea it turns out. instead of “size 39” in Europe or “size 6” in the UK etc it would be “250”. guess it is a bit less abstract than our sizes, i don’t even know where we got those from :sweat_smile:

life kind of got a away from me for a bit but i’ve caught up with this book and excited to finish it, surprised i kept myself from binging it all at once tbh :laughing:

chapter 34 - So glad that vice principle gave the producer a piece of their mind!
35 - learned an interesting phrase 다리를 뻗고 자다 걱정하던 것이 해결되어 마음 편히 잠을 자다.
36 - The descriptions of 서은 엄마 are so vivid whenever she appears. This one in particular was good: 그 입술에서 한 마디 한 마디가 새어 나올 때마다 영혼이 빠져나가는 것처럼 느껴질 만큼, 서은의 엄마는 아슬아슬 위태로워 보였다.