Translation Feedback

[暁のルナ]

I’m trying to translate again bcI’m a masochist it seemed like a good way to work on my JP… Anyway, trying to translate ch 1 here: 【第1話】はっぴー・どーる・でいず｜カドコミ (コミックウォーカー)

The 正気に戻ったら line (bottom right)…

My attempt: “Ahh! When I try to get my sanity back, I start thinking unnecessary thoughts. Even though I come here every week, to get rid of all this stress.”

Not sure if I’m getting the bolded part right

Are ヴォ vocal noises, and ズン music noises (like drums or something)?

3rd panel, I’m a bit confused about who the subject and object are… it sounds like MC is saying that the employee is always looking at MC. And normally the employee looks a bit scared, but today she looked really scared (bc the MC played some sort of terrifying music(?), based on the previous pg)

Anyone have thoughts?

[mic]

@暁のルナ

to get rid of all this stress

Maybe better go to some karaoke yourself instead of just reading about it.

[暁のルナ]

That was the attempted translation of the line I’m asking about… I’m not particularly stressed rn. not any more than normal anyway

Guess I should format my post better tho

[Naphthalene]

@暁のルナ

When I try to get my sanity back, I start thinking unnecessary thoughts

There’s no try. The ったら indicates that it’s when/if it happens; based on context, it’s a “coming back to my senses”. The short “Ah!” is her snapping out of it. Similarly, she doesn’t start having bad thoughts, she is just having them, although I guess in English “starts” feels natural here.

@暁のルナ

Are ヴォ vocal noises, and ズン music noises (like drums or something)?

ヴォ is the kind of sound you get when singing death metal (or throat singing) ズンズン is loud music.

@暁のルナ

3rd panel, I’m a bit confused about who the subject and object are… it sounds like MC is saying that the employee is always looking at MC. And normally the employee looks a bit scared, but today she looked really scared (bc the MC played some sort of terrifying music(?), based on the previous pg)

3rd panel says that MC usually doesn’t start a song before getting her drink. “Ah, it’s the employee I often see. That employee looks like THE cheerful chara, which made me (=MC) a bit scared, but after what happened today I’m even more scared”

[暁のルナ]

@Naphthalene

There’s no try. The ったら indicates that it’s when/if it happens; based on context, it’s a “coming back to my senses"

So it’s like “Ah! (snapping out of it) when(ever) I come back to my senses, I have bad thoughts” then? … I’m still not totally getting it, beyond a general “MC can’t stop thinking about all her stressors” , in a vicious cycle sense

@Naphthalene

although I guess in English “starts” feels natural here.

Yup, was solely there for English’s sake

@Naphthalene

ヴォ is the kind of sound you get when singing death metal (or throat singing) ズンズン is loud music.

Yay, I guessed (partly) right (I was thinking it was death metal)

@Naphthalene

That employee looks like THE cheerful chara, which made me (=MC) a bit scared, but after what happened today I’m even more scared”

Got it, thx!

Thx for the help

[暁のルナ]

In the bottom right panel, does anyone have any suggestions for how to translate かわいいは正義?

I know it’s the tagline for 苺ましまろ | L23 and is literally “cute is justice” but that sounds nonsensical, so I was hoping to add a translation or explanation in a TL Note. “cuteness heals” or “cuteness makes everything right” are my best attempts, but I’m worried those are too far off the mark

[eefara]

I’m pretty sure “cuteness is justice” is already at least a somewhat well-known meme-quote in the English anime community afaik; I’m just glancing at the panels in between things at work, but would that work, if you’re worried about awkward phrasing?

[暁のルナ]

It is apparently - tho I’ve never heard of it till now. I think in panel I’ll leave it as “cute is justice”, since that’s how it’s officially printed(?) or at least on Wikipedia. I was just hoping to be able to give an “it means something like xyz” in a translator’s note

[eefara]

@暁のルナ

“cute is justice”, since that’s how it’s officially printed(?) or at least on Wikipedia

I’ll say that while I’ve never heard that version used much, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything; I don’t really hang out in those spaces much.

@暁のルナ

I was just hoping to be able to give an “it means something like xyz” in a translator’s note

Does it need an explanation? Like, is the character using it in such a way that it’s supposed to sound kind of nonsensical anyway?

[暁のルナ]

@eefara

that doesn’t necessarily mean anything; I don’t really hang out in those spaces much.

Same tho

@eefara

Does it need an explanation? Like, is the character using it in such a way that it’s supposed to sound kind of nonsensical anyway?

Strictly speaking probly not… Actually tho, I think I found an answer on 知恵袋 I can work from on chiebukuro:

"正義の味方を例にすると分かりやすいと思います。
正義の味方はみんなを助ける、みんなに幸せを与えてくれる。

よって可愛いは正義は、可愛い人を見るだけでみんなは幸せになる。ということじゃないですか？"

I feel silly for missing that b4 edit: and thx for the feedback!